2018: my reflection

What a MAD year 2018 has been for me! Wow. I have so much to be thankful for yet, so many lessons I’ve learnt this year that have made me 10x stronger than I ever have been.

The year started off bloody cold, I looked like I had eaten everyone in my family (I had clearly overindulged at Christmas) and I was in a lot of pain with my ovaries. If I had known that the first half of 2018 was going to stay like this then I would’ve just curled up in my bed and never left!

Thankfully, Ken & I had got a mortgage and bought our first home – this really gave me a lot of hope and a project to work on whilst I was trying to get better and regain some self-confidence that I had left back in 2017!

Buying my first home with Kenny was 100% my biggest highlight of 2018. We moved in when it had concrete floors, bare walls and not a curtain in sight. Now, our home is full of art, beautiful laminate flooring, cosy grey carpet, and of course, our amazing king-size bed that I could spend the rest of my life in! We’ve already made so many memories; napping on the sofa, Ken leaving the heating on whilst we went away for a weekend (yes, I’m still annoyed at this), decorating every inch of the apartment with Christmas decorations, eating dinner at the table every night and the most recent one – the TV falling off the wall… This is still a touchy subject, so let’s not discuss this but I will say, this was completely Kenny’s fault!! (Sorry for outing you Ken)

This was the first year of my life where I didn’t have a “summer break” and let me be real with you, it is HORRIBLE. Working a full-time job through summer, having limited days to take off, not being able to really enjoy the sun until the weekend or after 5pm but lets face it, it’s basically chilly by then! It sounds silly but this was quite hard to adjust to as you realise just how limited your free time is once you become a proper adult!

I’ve not been able to see my family and friends as much as I want to, again, this was super hard to adjust to. There has been quite a few days where I’ve absolutely craved going to Spoons with my mates, eating some chocolate fudge cake and discussing what’s going on in our lives… but, nope. As adult life works, this is no longer possible because everyone is too busy with work and their own lives! It’s made even harder when I’m at least 50 miles away from everyone!

But there’s always a silver lining – this makes time with my family and friends all the more important. We make memories and talk about proper things now rather than just being on our phones. We are present and we understand that our time is precious.

I’m not one for New Years resolutions, actually that’s a lie, every year I promise myself that I’m going to be the fittest I’ve ever been and that never happens. However, 2019 is going to be a year where I really focus on my loved ones. I want to try and make everyone around me happy and make more memories. I know life gets in the way and it’s going to be hard but even if it’s just an extra weekend away with my mates, then that’s good enough for me.

Good news!

I haven’t suffered with ovarian cysts since July! This is a massive accomplishment in my life as this has been an on-going struggle since mid-2016 and to this day, I am still doing well! I’ve been able to lose 1 stone, although, it’s currently 30th December and I’m aware of all the chocolates and cheese I’ve scoffed down my face BUT I feel so much better about myself. I’m running again, I’m lifting weights again, I’m not hiding away in my PJs, I’m socialising more – I’m finally back to who I really am and this is the happiest I’ve been in a long while.

Saying that, 2018 still hasn’t been that good to me or my loved ones. Recently, I was made aware that it looks like I lead a “perfect life” and it was making others feel bad about theirs. I thought that it was just social media/celebrities that made people feel bad about their own lives and the thought of someone feeling crap about themselves because they’re comparing their life to mine is genuinely so upsetting. I have things to be thankful for and I am overall happy but I have had some heartbreaking moments this year. I don’t speak about them because they’re so sensitive to me and I physically can’t open up about these issues. Just know that, not everything you see online is the reality of someones life. If I could open up about my issues without any backlash or any judgement then I would do within a heartbeat as I really want to help other people, but for now, whilst I’m still struggling with my confidence, I will keep all my issues close to my heart.

Things I have learnt in 2018:

• Everyone at some point, will hurt you or upset you but nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes and sometimes, forgiving someone and moving on is a lot healthier than holding a grudge
• Family is everything – you don’t have to like them 100% but you’ll regret not supporting them if something happens
• If you love someone, tell them. Just do it.
• I am more of a warrior than I ever thought I was – I am strong and I am capable of a lot, moments of self-doubt will always come but believing in myself is the best thing I’ve ever done
• If life comes at you fast and something really bad happens, yes it will be shit but just know that everything really does happen for a reason – trust this!
• Money isn’t everything – happiness means so much more
• Being assertive as a woman is a really hard skill to grasp when it’s labelled as “stroppy” or “aggressive”
• Believing in equal rights for everyone will always be faced with people who don’t believe in equality, but as long as you keep believing in what is right, things will change!

Finally I will say, great opportunities are right around the corner. If you don’t even try to reach for them, then how do you expect things to change? Get out of your comfort zone, go to a scary interview and get your dream job. Take that leap and truly believe in yourself because, we live in a world where you will be told that you’re not good enough, so your voice needs to be the only one you listen to and trust.

I hope everyone’s 2019 is full of positivity, peace and love – mine certainly will.