I always knew therapy would be one of my greatest investments. But, it’s scary, isn’t it? Being vulnerable, opening yourself up completely to someone you’ve never met before. Talking about things that make you sob and break your heart. 

And that’s why we tend to keep it all inside. Because it hurts. Why would we want to confront something only to end up feeling that pain again?

  • Closure
  • New beginnings
  • Letting go
  • Acceptance 
  • Growth

That’s what it’s for. 

Therapy can fucking hurt, there’s no two ways about it. There are certain topics in my life that I’ve been holding on to for over 8 years now and it wasn’t until I faced it in therapy that I could finally move on. 

8 years of pining, hurting, and holding on to something. And within a few months of getting deep into my feelings, I had closure. Almost as if it was magic. 

Childhood trauma that has stayed with me from primary school age until now. Damaged relationships with parents and loved ones. The impact of being bullied throughout my school years. My experience with depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety. 

Therapy helps you understand whatever is going on in your head. 

And here’s what’s important to remember: you don’t have to have some fucked up childhood to have therapy. Maybe you’re not coping with being a new parent or your daily stresses of life are tipping you over the edge. 

Whatever makes you feel unsettled and like you just “need a bit of help” – that’s a good enough reason to talk to a professional. 

We all need help. Every single one of us. 

–

Over the past 12 months, I’ve focused on my mental health issues and I’ve sought out ways to really help me. 

First up: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

For those of you that don’t know, I have struggled terribly with social anxiety for years. 

I’m talking:

  • Unable to go into shops
  • Incapable of starting conversations
  • Getting stressed over eye contact
  • Having anxiety attacks about being in crowds
  • Not being able to present or speak in groups

(I spoke about my experience with social anxiety in a lot more detail, check it out here if you’re interested)

After learning about how my own thoughts were encouraging social anxiety, my therapist and I decided the best way for me to move forwards was ‘exposure therapy’. 

Yup. I had to do everything my brain was telling me not to do. 

I went into a busy pub, looked around, made eye contact, ordered a drink, made conversations with strangers, spoke up and presented at work, and the rest of it. 

And fuck me, it was scary. 

We rescued Artie around the same time I started CBT and I have to say, going on dog walks and forcing myself to get out of the house at least once a day was a saving grace. 

I quickly realised my social anxiety would heighten if the conversation was about me because I had feared other’s judgement. But let me tell you this, when you’re walking around with a 5-month-old puppy, nobody cares about you, or what you look like. They just want to see the puppy. And Artie was a great conversation starter! 

Meet Artie 👋

I quickly got used to sparking up conversations, and now? Pop me in a room and I don’t cower away. In fact, I can confidently get involved in group conversations. I don’t feel like the world is judging me anymore, and so what if someone is? 

6 months later, and I’m back in therapy. But this one’s a little different. 

Next up: Counselling / Talking Therapy

For years, I know I’ve needed to talk to someone about everything that’s been going on in my head. From messy break ups and a whirlwind of family issues, the past 26 years have been a little chaotic. 

I’m lucky enough to have a benefit from my employer that helped me find and pay for the first few sessions of my therapy. I’d suggest talking to your employer about if this is something they offer, it’s usually called an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP). 

Once I decided on my counsellor, I got started the very next week. 

Here’s what I learned:

  • Sometimes, holding on can hurt a lot more than letting go
  • Your boundaries were not made to be broken
  • Maybe it’s not death I fear, what I fear is living an unfulfilled life 
  • It’s okay to live an unconventional life, as long as it makes you happy and you’re not hurting those around you
  • Listen to yourself and trust your instincts – it rarely steers you down the wrong path
  • You can’t control what others do, you can only control how you react 

Actions I took to help get the most out of therapy:

Expressive writing

I’m a big believer in “expressive writing”. This means to simply pick up a pen and paper, a laptop, or whatever you choose to write with, sit down with your thoughts and just write. 

Don’t go through and think about grammar or editing what you’re writing. Just write from the heart. 

I’ve been a keen ‘journaler’ for years now, but this time was different. This time, I wrote with intent. 

I’ve been holding on to hurt for over 8 years and my therapist suggested I wrote a letter about how I was feeling. 

So, I took myself to a local coffee shop, popped my headphones on – I listened to the noise of sea waves crashing on the beach – and got to it. 

Two hours later, after barely looking up from my laptop, I finished writing. Four pages of raw emotion, some things I’ve never said out loud and other words I’ve said a million times before. 

I felt a release. But not like a “Okay, cool, I’m cured” kind of release. Just a “I should’ve done that way sooner” kinda feeling. 

Tip: It’s up to you whether you share your writing with anyone. You know what’s best. Just remember, what you write will be vulnerable, so make sure you only share it with people you trust. 

Mindfulness

Before y’all roll your eyes, just listen. Mindfulness isn’t some fad. It’s just a state of really focusing on the present moment. A moment in time where you don’t think about your lengthy to-do list, or all the things you have to do at work, or all the house chores you’ve let slide for the last week or so. 

Just you. 

Mindfulness is extremely helpful for those of you who experience anxiety, panic attacks, or stress. 

I downloaded an app called Headspace and every so often, I’d settle down for the day listening to one of their guided meditations. I felt at peace; I noticed I was having fewer panic attacks, and I could just let go of daily worries. 

I can’t recommend Headspace enough. Plus, their branding is really cool. They explain why meditation before bedtime is awesome for your noggin a lot better than me. So check out this article if you’re keen to learn more. 

All-in-all, I learned therapy really isn’t as scary as we all make it out to be. I’ve had dark thoughts over the years. Stuff I’ve never wanted to say out loud. And when you finally say it out loud and the response is “Do you know how common it is to think that?” – it’s humbling. 

If you are going to invest in yourself, take some time picking the right person. I was adamant I wanted someone experienced in: childhood trauma, relationships, and mental health issues. 

There are free or paid-for types of therapy. Although, it can get expensive, so do your due diligence before you commit. 

You can have in-person therapy or sessions over Skype or Zoom, it really does all depend on what you want. 

Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It’s different for everyone. It might not work for some people. But for me? Therapy was the best thing I ever did. I finally put time in for personal growth and to focus on me. And that’s the best kind of investment you’ll ever make.